Throughout all of my relationship and dating history, I have only been with men that were either emotionally abusive or distant. I fear letting someone close to me. I have an unattainable sense of self-perfection I cannot live up to. I never had a father that made me feel beautiful or worthy or loved. There you have it. The goal of this is to share the emotions behind a void I have learned to conceal and how this has subconsciously translated into other aspects of my life, mainly relationships. Low self-esteem For much of their life, children rely on their parents to meet all of their emotional needs.
I recall my mom during important days of life such as my birthdays and graduations and school choir performances. As a result, rather than being comfortable addressing my concerns with someone I am dating, I try to avoid this in fear of retaliation. I never had a father that made me feel beautiful or worthy or loved. Perhaps because I feel like no one would want to see my true self, with all my inner flaws and still express their love and devotion. Throughout all of my relationship and dating history, I have only been with men that were either emotionally abusive or distant. More From Thought Catalog. I fear letting someone close to me. In adulthood, those people may have difficulty pinpointing exactly what it was in their childhood that went wrong. Physically, he has always been there. My father was not nor is he now, a monster. This is because they were never taught to handle their emotions appropriately by their parents. So I lived nearly my entire life never feeling that I was missing something paternally. But in my memories, he is close to being absent. I had to behave accordingly and not do anything that may be perceived as a nuisance to him to avoid being punished. However, throughout my entire childhood and even onto my adulthood, I never received that love or assurance. Adults with attachment issues may not even notice that they sabotage their own relationships or become distant when attachment seems probable. Due to the sensitivity of rejection, and the deep-seated drive for acceptance and affirmation, adults whose parents were emotionally unavailable find themselves needing everything they do to be perfect. Perfectionism For those carrying the weight of an emotionally unavailable parent into adulthood, perfectionism is extremely likely. One of the most common behaviors of an adult with emotionally unavailable parents is a lack of understanding about their own emotions. I fear saying something that will inflict an attack. This results in these adults now trying to replicate a parental relationship with other people in their lives. And as much as I never wanted to admit it, this had an impact on my relationships with men. Final thoughts Knowing the adult behaviors of an emotionally absent parent is important for both therapists and people who are trying to move on from their past. Growing up, I avoided my father as much as I can. I do remember always looking out at the audience — whether it be my 4th grade choir recital or my walking on stage to receive my degree, and seeing my mom beaming a big proud smile.
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